The Grumpy Admin

Meet Jan.

She is by far my dumbest end-user. I wish I had documented half of the things she has done in my short time here.

Today she comes to my doorway, while I’m trying to configure a NAS box and hits me with an unanswerable question:

“Why did the office supply company ship us paper that is too long?” She stretched out the word “long” like a whiny child. I’d like to pull out her voicebox and drop it into the shredder.

She has a bad habit of asking a horribly bad question to start off explaining her IT problems.

“I have no idea, but how can I help you?”, I respond. I hate this woman with all of my being, but I have to be nice to her because she has been with the company forever and somehow she hangs pretty high on the tree.

I follow her to her desk, which is covered with piles and piles of plain white copy paper.

“It’s all too loooooooong,” she whines. “Why do they ship it all too looooong?”
I ask what the real problem is. She tells me her printer is jamming on the “long” paper. I pull out the paper tray, and am greeting with a white rainbow bulging out of the paper tray.

I explain that the 8.5 x 11 paper is just fine, look here, you need to move this paper guide back to where it started out. I move it back and the paper falls nicely into place.

“I never moved it back. How did it get moved baaaaaack?” Another question I can’t answer. I shrug my shoulders.

I’m on my way out of her office, and I can’t make up this next shit question if I tried:

“What do I do with all this paper that is too loooooong?”, she whines. I think perhaps I am on candid camera. Where the hell was she when I looked her in the face and told her the guide was too far forward? Sweet merciful crap how did this lady get to this position in this company?

“Jan, the paper is the right size. You should use it. It was the guide that was too far forward.”

I head back to my office. IDIOT.

Two Mac stories in a row. What are the odds?

So there I am, sitting in the server room trying to mind my own business. One of our "outside consultants" comes in and says she needs help getting her new computer connected to our printer. The outside consultants wait on no one, so I jump up and we walk to her desk.

On the way over, I ask what she bought. A Mac. She calls it Harry Potter because it is so tiny and cute. My bad attitude turns from bad to worse. I tell her I doubt I can get it on the network because I don't know how, (nor am I willing to learn how to). Nor do I want to change my network to make it work with a Mac. (On a side note, you Mac people can keep your suggestions and comments to yourselves. I simply don't want to hear it.)

Anyway, I sit down at her PC, and what do I see? She is running Windows XP in Parallels. I installed the networked printer in XP in about 6.2 seconds. Now the fun begins:

"Why did you buy a Mac," I ask.

"Because they are better," she responds.

"Then why run XP inside of it," I ask.

"Because I need Office," she responds.

"So, what do you use the Mac for besides Windows XP Office," I ask.

"Surfing the internet," are her last words.

So, let me point out the stupidity, stupidity that I believe every Mac user shares.

1. Buy a Mac because you think it is better. Mostly because of the cool commercials.
2. Immediately load the OS that you wanted to avoid in the first place, Windows XP.
3. Load an application into XP that is readily available for Mac.
4. Use your new tiny shiny trendy artsy fartsy "better personal computer" to mostly surf the internet.

I congratulate Apple on a great marketing campaign. I pity those who buy into it. Idiots.

First!! I just had to do that. Here's the related video.